8 Helpful Things About Social Media

somedSometimes it’s spit out like a curse: “Blame it on social media.”  But there really are some good points to texting, Twitter, Facebook, and the like.  Let’s take a look at eight good uses of social media.

1. Finding old friends. My first students knew me as “Miss Chan.”  Not long after my husband and I married, we moved to Washington.  I figured my first students wouldn’t remember my married name, so I wouldn’t hear from them again.  I don’t know how the first one found me on Facebook, but soon an avalanche of friend requests arrived from her classmates.  I was as taken aback to see them with spouses and children as they were to realize I was only 22 when I taught them.  High school friends, college buddies, parents of both (and of old boyfriends)–almost everybody is out there somewhere, and if they’re not, you can be sure one of their family members is!

2. Keeping tabs on family.  When my children were in college, I’d use Facebook, Twitter, and Tumblr to know what was going on in their lives–not just so I knew when to be concerned, but also because it gave me a starting point for conversation: “Who were you talking about in that tweet?”  Facebook now helps me keep tabs on my aging mom, because when I see her like someone’s post, I know she’s up and moving.

3. Sending short messages.  Whose day hasn’t been made by a text or a message saying, “I’m thinking about you; have a great day”?  This is a great way for parents of teens to communicate their love without causing embarrassment.  If it’s a good day, you’ll even get a “Luv u 2” text in return!

4. Sharing pictures. While we may tire of selfies and food pics, some pictures can be worth far more than 1000 (typed) words.  When my math students need help, they send me a picture of the offending story problem along with what they’ve already tried, and I know where to start my tutorial.  When my mom has an error message on her iPad, she texts my son a “screenshot” (taken with her phone), and he knows how to help.  Every year I have 8th grade girls text me photos of their outfits, asking if they’re within dress code (though I usually tell them if they have to ask, it probably isn’t).

5. Creating peace of mind.  In my family, we text somebody when we arrive home safely.  Again, this is a great way to keep track of my aging mom as well as my sons, the twenty-somethings.  When they were in  high school, I told my boys I didn’t care where they went (an untruth), but if they didn’t make it home, I needed their last known whereabouts so I’d know where to start my search.

6. Making appointments.  I love scheduling medical appointments online.  I also schedule parent conferences by emailing the first draft of my schedule to parents and letting them request changes as needed.  Parents will text me midday and ask to meet after school.  And sometimes my husband and I will plan a last-minute dinner date after work!

7. Finding important–and not-so-important–information.  When my husband and I wanted to install an auxiliary port in our new used car, I went to YouTube and learned how.  When I needed lesson plans to teach physical science, I went to Pinterest.  There’s a whole community of friendly strangers at your fingertips, just waiting to give you advice.

8. Knowing when to pray.  In the “old days” (think the year 2000), having an email prayer list was an awesome invention.  Now, with a single post I can set in motion a prayer chain of hundreds, some of whom I’ll never even know.  There’s great comfort in knowing so many prayers are being lifted so quickly.  On the flip side, when one of my friends or students needs my prayers, I hear right away.  It’s not unusual for a student to contact me on Facebook with a message: “My grandma’s in the hospital; can you pray?”

Social media has its limitations, and we all need to use it with discretion, but it can simplify our lives in many ways.  Today’s teens won’t remember life without it, so it’s our responsibility to teach them how and when to use it appropriately.

Want some tips on how to do that?  Check it out on Pinterest.

A New Year With Your Teen

I’ll say it again:  I love spending my days with teen-agers.  Maybe I am a little crazy (which helps when dealing with teens), but there are so many things to enjoy about them!  Here are some helpful resolutions to get your new year of parenting teens off to a good start:

Remember that they’re halflings.  They’re starting to look like adults in a taller, gangly, hairier way.  Sometimes they even sound like adults, especially when they question you in unexpected ways (“Why do we even go to Aunt Lulu’s house when you complain about her all the time?”)  And they certainly want to be treated like adults, except on their birthdays or when there are chores to do.  But the reality is they’re still a work in process, and a good portion of what you see is still a child, clinging to childish behaviors and attitudes.  You and I know some of those never go away; admit it—you still want your own way as often as possible.  It’s how we deal with those attitudes that changes, and that’s what you need to teach and model to your teen.

Have more Seinfeld moments.  In other words, laugh about nothing, but laugh together.  We laugh often in my classroom.  Sometimes it’s me being funny, like when I respond to a cry of “Unfair!” with “That’s MRS. Unfair to you.”  Sometimes it’s the students: “Your grandpa is in rehab?  Is he a drug addict?” (No—he had a hip replaced.)  Think about your best memories with good friends and how many involved laughing—possibly until you couldn’t breathe.  Create some of those memories with your kids, and you’ll treasure them long into their adult years.

Make more eye contact.  Check your own screen time before ranting about your teen’s.  When you’re in a conversation and your phone buzzes, ignore it and maintain eye contact.  You’ll make a huge statement about how much you value what’s being said—and who’s saying it!  Close your laptop, put your tablet to sleep, or mute the TV when your teen is talking to you, and you’ll get better results when you expect the same behavior.  Require some meals be device-free, whether at home or in a restaurant, and be the first to model turning your phone off (not just silencing it).

Dethrone the homework god.  No, I don’t mean your teens should stop doing schoolwork (all of my teen readers just groaned), but do try to keep it from becoming the Most Important Topic, the one all your conversations center around:  “You’ve been home for seven minutes; why haven’t you started your homework?” or “You’re just sitting there doing nothing; don’t you have any homework?”  Yes, grades do matter, but everyone needs balance in their lives, including students.  Make an effort to communicate that you care about more than just homework.

Do more. . .and less.  Listen more, play more, negotiate more.  Nag less, criticize less, yell less.  In short, practice more positive responses and fewer negative ones.  Your teen is watching you and learning from you how to be an adult.  It’s more important than ever to model respect, kindness, patience, manners. . .all the behaviors you hope to see in your child as an adult.

Listen with your heartphones.  When your toddler threw a tantrum, you knew whether she was mad, scared, or just tired, despite what she said.  Tune into that frequency with your teen and try to see what’s behind his outburst.  There’s a good chance that the attack (“Why do you always pick on me?”) is masking embarrassment, frustration, or just a horrible, no good, bad day.  For best results, under-react:  say nothing for several seconds, give a non-committal “Huh,” or offer food.  Often whatever it is will blow over, but if you suspect there’s a bigger issue, allow some recovery space and then gently make your presence known.  Be ready to listen without interrupting or judging.  Communicate how much you care.

Stop and smell. . . whatever.  From the time your child was a toddler, you’ve been dreading the Adolescent Years, and now that they’re here you can’t wait for them to pass.  Teens are impulsive, loud, moody, smelly (Axe Spray can be even worse than sweat), unpredictable, exasperating—and fascinating.  So much change happens so quickly—both inside and out—that you’ll want to take mental snapshots to remember it all when they’ve gone off to college or moved out.  Because when that day arrives, you’ll wonder where the time went.

A Sticky Gift

As I handed out the envelopes on the last day before Christmas break, I cautioned my students, “Everybody has the same gift, so don’t open yours until everyone has theirs.  You will, however, find a personal message inside, so be sure you read it.”

They dutifully waited until I gave the word, and then the room grew quiet as they read their cards. A few looked up and grinned at me without saying anything, but one girl said, “I kind of want to cry now.”  Another girl echoed her agreement.  One student jumped to his feet and gave me a quick hug.

Inside their cards they’d found just a few specific lines about what I appreciated about them personally.  For one, it was how quickly he volunteers to help; for another, it was how hard she works to improve.  I told one that while some days he makes me crazy, his sense of humor always makes me laugh.  And I told another that even though she still has loud days, I appreciate how hard she is working to be more quiet.

I wrote 29 cards this year, but I’m pretty sure you have fewer teens than that in your life.  What if you took the time to write a few thoughtful, meaningful words and give it to them?  You don’t have to be eloquent; just mention one or two qualities or actions that you appreciate.

It’s a gift that will stick with them long after the gift cards are spent and the electronics are obsolete, and one that could make a real difference on those days when they feel unlovable.

I Had A Bad Day

Mr. Grumpy

Bad days happen to all of us.  And while watching your best friend eat lunch with someone else might not compare to hearing rumors of layoffs at work, to your 13-year-old it’s a pretty big deal.

Imagine if, on your bad day, you  complained to a friend or spouse, and he responded, “That’s all you have to complain about?  I wish my life was so hard!”  Not only would you feel irritated, but you’d also hesitate to share with that person again.

If you feel that your teen doesn’t tell you much, check your responses.  Your teen or pre-teen considers herself more of an adult and less of a child, and she wants you to treat her as such.  Though she’ll still often respond like a child, sometimes she’ll surprise you with her maturity and insight.

The next time your teen whines about his terrible day, try responding as you would to a friend or co-worker:  “That does sound lousy.  Poor you.”  Don’t discount or solve any problems; just listen with empathy.  You’ll get more information and you’ll get it more often.

And the next time you have a bad day of your own, chances are good your teen will give you a little empathy in return!